Stop the presses. I might have found an eyeliner that even I can use: the e.l.f. Triple Tip Pen. It may look weird, but this three-prong tip is the secret to getting a non-wobbly, straight line on your eyelid. The purpose of the triple tip is to get into the lash line (the technical term makeup mavens use is "tight lining"), making your lashes look thicker and fuller.
Just press and dot along the lashline, making a sort of spotted trail from your inner to outer eye. That's it! It's kind of fool proof. And for only $2, you'd actually be a fool not to give it a test drive.